Sadly perhaps for me, I cannot find faith in comfort. The universe as it is is too big to comprehend for any single person, or even the population of this one tiny little planet as a whole. Many have sought comfort in faith, because any other option would drive them mad. They need reasons to explain everything, rationalization for everything. That the Universe exists solely because it does is something few will want to accept, for it would have no reason, no point at all.
Ultimately, I believe it is up to ourselves to give our lives purpose within this Universe, whether the Universe has a purpose or not. People overestimate their part in the world in some ways, underestimating it in others. We feel as if we’re somehow important to the Universe as a whole. Maybe we are, I don’t know. I don’t know much. Comparatively to what there is to know, I know nothing. I don’t know if there is a God, I don’t know if there’s life after death. Hell, I’m not even sure there’s life prior to death.
In most cases, people are alive, certainly. But do they truly live? Maybe. I don’t know what they do when I’m not there to see. Nothing beyond my perception is anything I can put comfort in. What is beyond my perception is beyond my control. Even then, I can rarely choose what I wish to see. My perception can deceive me at any point in time, or perhaps I deceive myself so as to not see what I perceive. Knowing that makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
That discomfort is most likely the reason people look for an explanation, a rationalization or just some comforting story to make it all seem a little less scary, a little less beyond control. Science, religion, or perhaps even just willful ignorance, it makes no matter so long as it gives comfort. I can’t say if it’s worth striving for some kind of beliefs about the Universe as a whole, but I can’t deny comfort is something that would be nice to have.
Whether it be science or faith, we all strive for a way to explain things we can’t comprehend. For me, I find small amounts of comfort in both science and religion, because I believe Complete Understanding can only be found in the sum of all knowledge, rational or otherwise. Sadly, I also believe no one human mind can ever contain all knowledge. For that, I hope, there will be an existence after death, an existence wherein we can relate to Everything more directly.
The details of my beliefs are fairly unique to myself, but they give me a very small amount of comfort. Just not enough to satisfy my mind, as of yet. I feel discomfort at my own existence, which is why I strive to understand what is around me before I look further. What is beyond my understanding is perhaps important to Everything, and Everything might be important to me, but I do not know what any of that could mean, as it is beyond me.
Why I’m here is something I’m not sure of. I’m not even sure what I am. I’m not a theist, nor an atheist, perhaps a pantheist. All I know is that I know nothing. This is my only comfort. My only comfort beyond the idea I do not truly need to know everything to be who I am. I’m me, my reason for being is to be me. Like Everything else, I exist because I do. What I choose to do is up to me.
As this little post becomes longer, I compose my own thoughts well beyond what I write here. It’s still a mess inside my mind, but it’s my mind, a place where I am comfortable, because it’s the one thing I know. I know my mind, and that is all I know. That is all I need to know. The rest will do as it does and I will adapt to that without abandoning my own mind to anything.
Such is my faith, my discomfort, my mind and my duosyncrasy regarding my understanding.