There isn’t much to say. Not yet, at least. But I’m watching, I’m learning. Trying to discover what must be done to improve upon the misery that is Mankind. To convey to them all that there is more to this universe than their petty perceptions of reality. They are a disease that must be cured, but without destroying their potential. More intelligent creatures than I would perhaps seek to destroy them, in order to save the universe from their greed.

But I feel that would be the greater injustice. The end of awareness, the end of sentience, no matter its form, is a tragic loss to the universe as a whole. Without awareness, there are no more stories. And in the end, it is stories that make the universe alive. Perhaps I won’t succeed in my efforts, but they will be sincere, honest, and it will be a story worth telling, no matter its ending.

The world had changed since he last looked upon it. Night had turned into day. As it had every time he slept. But today, today was different. It wasn’t really anything significant; at least, not in the grand scheme of things. But something was missing. Something special, something that should have been.

It was hard to say what it was, but it felt like ‘family’, something which had always been an alien concept to him. Something he’d never really had before. The one thing he’d always longed to have. Maybe that had been what he had dreamed about this particular night, perhaps. The reason the world looked different, sadder, lonelier.

But the sun shone as bright as it did the day before, the grass as green as ever, birds chirping and singing happily. Nothing was different except his perspective. So he shook his head, got out of his small bed, and did what he always did. Continue on, hoping for the best, hoping for his dreams to become a reality. Settling for less had never been his style, after all.

Waking up is no reason to stop dreaming.

Ultimately, I believe it is up to ourselves to give our lives purpose within this Universe, whether the Universe has a purpose or not. People overestimate their part in the world in some ways, underestimating it in others. We feel as if we’re somehow important to the Universe as a whole. Maybe we are, I don’t know. I don’t know much. Comparatively to what there is to know, I know nothing. I don’t know if there is a God, I don’t know if there’s life after death. Hell, I’m not even sure there’s life prior to death.

In most cases, people are alive, certainly. But do they truly live? Maybe. I don’t know what they do when I’m not there to see. Nothing beyond my perception is anything I can put comfort in. What is beyond my perception is beyond my control. Even then, I can rarely choose what I wish to see. My perception can deceive me at any point in time, or perhaps I deceive myself so as to not see what I perceive. Knowing that makes me profoundly uncomfortable.

That discomfort is most likely the reason people look for an explanation, a rationalization or just some comforting story to make it all seem a little less scary, a little less beyond control. Science, religion, or perhaps even just willful ignorance, it makes no matter so long as it gives comfort. I can’t say if it’s worth striving for some kind of beliefs about the Universe as a whole, but I can’t deny comfort is something that would be nice to have.

Whether it be science or faith, we all strive for a way to explain things we can’t comprehend. For me, I find small amounts of comfort in both science and religion, because I believe Complete Understanding can only be found in the sum of all knowledge, rational or otherwise. Sadly, I also believe no one human mind can ever contain all knowledge. For that, I hope, there will be an existence after death, an existence wherein we can relate to Everything more directly.

The details of my beliefs are fairly unique to myself, but they give me a very small amount of comfort. Just not enough to satisfy my mind, as of yet. I feel discomfort at my own existence, which is why I strive to understand what is around me before I look further. What is beyond my understanding is perhaps important to Everything, and Everything might be important to me, but I do not know what any of that could mean, as it is beyond me.

Why I’m here is something I’m not sure of. I’m not even sure what I am. I’m not a theist, nor an atheist, perhaps a pantheist. All I know is that I know nothing. This is my only comfort. My only comfort beyond the idea I do not truly need to know everything to be who I am. I’m me, my reason for being is to be me. Like Everything else, I exist because I do. What I choose to do is up to me.

As this little post becomes longer, I compose my own thoughts well beyond what I write here. It’s still a mess inside  my mind, but it’s my mind, a place where I am comfortable, because it’s the one thing I know. I know my mind, and that is all I know. That is all I need to know. The rest will do as it does and I will adapt to that without abandoning my own mind to anything.

Such is my faith, my discomfort, my mind and my duosyncrasy regarding my understanding.

My grand and elaborate scheme to rule the world will be detailed below. This is all top secret, mind you, so unless you are in fact who I am and not someone else, you are not allowed to read this. So please, be a kind little minion and don’t, okay? That’s very much appreciated.

Anyway, my plan. Yes. I want to rule the world, just like everyone else. Yes, I have a Top Secret Plan to achieve that goal. In fact, this is that very plan. Unlike most plans, it is not deviously simple. It is, in fact, deviously complex and highly misleading. Therefore, minding you are me and not someone else reading my Top Secret Plan, you must take care to understand the underlying complexities involved in my Top Secret Plan.

It all begins with the fact I already rule the world. This is rather convenient when it comes to taking over the world, as it means I don’t actually need to bother with the whole Revolution scheme. This all generally takes far too long to accomplish anyway. So, I rule the world. Well, pretty much. My parents do. I’m just the prince. Crown prince, but not the King. Yet. And I don’t actually want to be the king. In fact, I don’t even want to rule the world. This is why I made my Top Secret Plan. To rule the world by not actually ruling it at all, you see.

It’s all very simple. I’m the Prince, but I don’t want to be the King. So I’ve made up this plan in order to escape from ruling the world. But unless you’re me, you’re not supposed to know that. That’s why this is so very secret. Top Secret, even. This Top Secret Plan is about my alternative to rulership. The alternative of living my life in peace, without the need for starting wars or stopping them.

You see, I’m not going to take up the throne, or even the scepter, or anything silly like that. I’m going to flee, and I’m going to find a place to hide. Away from all these people who think ruling the world is the grandest thing ever. Ruling the world involves people disagreeing with you a lot. And killing you for it. At least, it usually does. There are a few exceptions, but even those weren’t too pleasant. Mostly because the people that didn’t get killed, killed others instead.

But really, what’s the point to all this murder? I mean, I see how dead people won’t try to take the throne, but wanting to sit on a throne is silly anyway. The throne isn’t even comfy. And the room is too big. And cold. It’s just all really very silly.

So, on with the plan. I’m going to run away from here, and I’m going to hide, so I can live my own life. Rather than live the life other people want me to live. Other people who like killing eachother. And get killed for trying. They’re all not very nice, though they usually pretend to be. They’re not very good at pretending though, so even that isn’t very nice. Which is why I’m escaping. I’m going to run and hide, rather than be King and rule the world.

Times like these remind me of the most cliche things, like the phrase ‘times like these’.
It seems at times my life’s insignificantly small, yet at times it’s bigger than the universe could ever encompass. There’s forever and there’s now. And quite frankly, now is more important than forever, because now decides forever. The here and now is what makes the future, and every future after that. It isn’t set in stone, and there’s no real finite end to it, no matter which way you look at it.

But even then, everything can seem small, even to someone like me, an insignificant blip in an insignificant blip of time. The here and now is the only thing there is for most of us. The past is already decided, and the future isn’t. The only place we truly matter is the here and now. And most things we do are small. Yet, they can amount to everything in one go.

‘Everything’ is about as relative as you can get.

I mean, what is it, exactly? Everything you can see, everything you can comprehend, everything ever, or just the things you care about?
To me, everything I care about could be put in a plane with an approximate radius of about a furlong, and it could exist without any major conflict for my entire life. It seems arbitrary, perhaps, but given just a small space and of course a steady supply of food, I could be perfectly happy with nothing else but my own little world.

‘Everything’ is a lot, ‘Things that make me happy’ are few. Take away most of what makes me unhappy, and I’m left with just a few things. Of course, even then, there’ll be things I’ll be unhappy with from time to time, but this only means that I’d be happy otherwise. After all, without darkness, light is meaningless.
But I’m afraid, my furlong plane doesn’t exist, and here I am, in this reality, for now.

Misanthropy, infused with a tinge of wistfulness is what I feel, observing here. The human race is poisoning itself. The fools are too smart for their own good. They think they know, but are clueless of the consequences of power, of knowledge, of fate itself. No sense of the grays of reality. Just the black and white of individual perception. Cruelty beyond imagination is what the human race creates through generalizations. Despite supposed words of wisdom, philosophies of better times, mankind is geared to destruction, all in the name of a great Benevolence.
The name of God.
The Great Irony.
A being that is not paradox nor impossibility personified, but merely a silly imaginary friend with fairly psychotic tendencies. Psychology isn’t my strong point, to be certain, but even I can see mankind’s inherent search of power, the one thing they think controls everything.

They are wrong. They consider power to be no more than selfishness. Ironic, really, how their great Benevolent God is what they wish to become themselves, through their own selfishness. It seems nothing more to me than immaturity, plain and simple. Mankind is incapable of sharing, except for a price. Often too high a price. Wars have been fought in the name of a great Benevolence. That is, each party has their own specific imaginary friend they dedicate their murder to. Rationalization is weakness. Ethics and morality have no place in religion, unless it can be tamed by those in power.

If their concept of Heaven existed, every single one would go just there. Straight to Hell. Rationalization: In the name of God, man does many things expecting to be blessed for them, forgiven for their sins. Yet because of this benevolent absolution, man supposedly needs feel no guilt as all will be forgiven in Heaven. Heaven itself is supposedly perfect. No man is. No-one with a shred of conscience is free of guilt. Perfection is undeserved for those who feel guilt. All those who have a conscience. Heaven is only Heaven for those with no conscience, no regrets, and endless sin.

Religion. The Endless Irony.

An Outsider can see the truth behind man, the sense of ‘evil’ that barely holds meaning in comparison to the innate self-destructive personality of mankind as a whole. Too much power, not enough responsibility. Not enough knowledge to counterbalance the knowledge it does possess. The scales are tipping over with potential destruction. Mankind’s make-believe of religion is a scourge of self-deception. Mankind itself is nothing more than the start of a fire. A collection of flammable objects of various natures, and the flame of knowledge perilously close to the short fuse that is mankind’s thirst for more.
One can only hope for the birth of a Phoenix from the ashes of Mankind’s own destruction.